As I talk to more and more people I am finding a trend where we are worried about how others perceive us. I will tell you that you cannot control other people's perception and so the best thing to do is to concentrate on being yourself and following your values.
I had some questions about this on a recent Facebook live broadcast and on my radio show. The listeners were concerned about hurting other people if they followed their own dream. I answered by saying that if these people truly loved and cared for them, they would respect the decision and love them anyway.
My advice is always to live your own life, be yourself, and be the person you want to become.
On my radio show today I was talking about change and how habits dictate the results we obtain, either good or bad. One question I got from a listener was:
"How do you know what needs to change to get what you want?"
This is a great question and the answer is through your daily reflection. The change required may not be obvious at first because usually the root cause is buried, it is only the symptom that is on the surface.
Your daily reflection should include an honest look at what happened during that day and a review of what went well and what didn't go quite so well. Then you need to look deeper and answer what was the action that caused that result? You need to replicate the good actions and eliminate the bad ones. These are the things that need to change.
We all have expectations for the way our life should go, including how we feel other people should behave. How should we manage those expectations so as to avoid disappointment?
I expect a lot of myself and have had a tendency to judge other people by the same level. I have learned over the years that not everyone has the same expectations, behaviors, and desires so I have been disappointed on more than one occasion as a result.
This is why I have evolved from the "Golden Rule", treat others as you would want to be treated, to the "Platinum Rule", which says to treat others as THEY would expect to be treated. The difference is subtle, but at the same time it is huge as we are all different and what is expected for one person may not be for another.
This is a difficult skill to master, and one that will take constant use, and when you have it, you will make a difference to other people and feel a sense of value yourself.
There is a common belief that you learn more from your losses than you do your wins. While I believe it is important to learn from our losses and analyze what went wrong, I also believe that it is just as important to evaluate what went well and learn from that too.
Many people take wins and never reflect on why they won. When you can identify the successful components you will be able to replicate them in other actions that didn't go quite so well. You will also be able to see components that could have been improved, in turn making the experience even better.
In summary, reflect daily and review everything that happened during your day, both good and not so good.
I saw a saying today that said: The truth lies just beneath the surface. It got me thinking about how often we ask questions to make sure what we see on the surface is actually the correct information?
This applies to our personal and professional lives as what we see is not always what exists. The art of questioning is a skill that we are not taught, so how do we learn it?
I believe that this is an area where good leaders stand out - and when I say leaders this is not only at work. We are all leaders, where ever we are, because we influence other people, intentionally or not.
I have spoken to many leaders over the years who seem to think that loyalty is a right and should be expected from their team. This is not the case - loyalty is not a right, it needs to be earned.
Loyalty and respect go hand in hand as they are both earned based on your behavior and actions. People do what people see, so it is important to demonstrate the same behaviors that you are asking of your team.
"Do as I say, not as I do" is a saying that should be eliminated from any vocabulary as it is not a recipe for success. Why should anyone think it is OK to expect other people to behave in a different way from you?
Think about it from your own point of view: Who are you loyal to in your life and who has your respect, and then ask yourself why this is?
When you hear the term maturity, what do you think of? Most people believe this is something that is earned with age, but it is not necessarily so.
"Maturity is doing what you are supposed to be doing, when you're supposed to be doing it, no matter how you feel" - Dom Capers
Maturity comes as a result of the lessons we learn in life, whether they be form wins or from losses. Many people say that you learn from your losses, and this is true and it is just as important to be humble and learn from your victories too.
I wonder how many people spend as much time analyzing their wins as they do their losses? If we do this we will continue to grow and develop - this is the definition of maturity in my eyes.
How is your mindset today?
Are you thinking positively or is everything a problem?
70-80% of people are not happy with their current job and if this is you, the good news is you can do something about it - starting today!
You are not alone so don't hide in the shadows waiting for something to change by itself. There is a better life waiting for you to claim it and it starts with you accepting your worth and believing in yourself.
We all have expectations and when these are not met, how do we feel and react?
This morning I had my car booked in for a service. I arrived right on time and was greeted and shown to the waiting area where my service advisor would come and get me. I have been using this dealership for over 3 years now so I know what to expect and they always deliver.
This morning was different though. I had been waiting in the area for 30 minutes so I went up to the receptionist and asked, politely, what was happening. She apologized and found my service advisor who, it turns out, had not been made aware that I was here.
I was disappointed and in a previous mindset I would have made a fuss. My new mindset and training made me think twice so I said that I was disappointed but it couldn't be helped now. I was polite and courteous and so was the advisor. If I had got upset it would have put me in a bad mood for the day. I cannot control what happened so I had to put it into perspective and move...
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" - Maria Robinson
You may be in the position where you are facing self doubts about your ability to lead the life that you really want to?
You may be thinking that it is too late for you to switch careers or climb the corporate ladder?
You may be thinking that you cannot compete with younger people?
You may be embarrassed about what other people will think and say?
These inner fears are all myths - fears are: False Emotions Appearing Real. You can break free from these myths and fears because they are not real, they exist only in your head so change your mindset and decide what you want from life, then go for it.
Ask yourself these questions:
What does Freedom look and feel like to you?
What would it mean to you to live a life of freedom?
What are you going to do today to make a difference in your life?